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Beulah Bondi
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Friday, Jan. 16, 2004 - 5:41 p.m.
11:30 p.m. When I signed up to go skiing in Utah I didn�t quite figure that I�d end up sharing an A-frame mansion in the hills above Park City with five straight 22-year-old boys.
11:34 p.m. After an exhausting two-hour conversation about heterosexual sex, heterosexual relationships and related heterosexual topics the boys begin making plans to head into town to see whasssup.
11:36 p.m. "Garloodude, you gonna come?" asked JD, the tall one with the smoldering sex vibe and perfect ass. I contemplate saying, "As soon as you leave" but think better of it. But I do say, "Nah, I don�t think I�d have much luck." Dutch, strutting around shirtless in a pair of jeans set so low and so loose on his hips that it�s a pretty safe bet we�ll be seeing rooster any minute, asks, "Why not?" While trying desperately to hasten the process by quickly developing telekinetic powers I reply, "I don�t think there are many gays up here." Chiseled Josh, wearing only boxer briefs asked, "How come." I explain, "The gays don�t like the cold." Pepe, the full lipped Latin lothario, wearing ill-fitting sweat pants and using his shirt as a pillow, stirs from semi-consciousness to scratch his crotch and ask, "Why not." I inform, "First off, it�s too cold to wear nothing but a skin tight tee. Secondly, no one looks sexy shivering. Thirdly, it�s way to cold to do it in an alley. Fourthly, the nose is not where you want body fluids leaking. Fifthly, if I see just one gay man wearing Ugg Boots it will destroy my whole theory that it�s only misguided non-thinking female fashion victims that bought into that whole nasty looking fashion-gone-bad-fad. And lastly, until Michael Kors comes out with a mesh parka I think the best gays are wintering in South Beach." JD, batting his long lashed puppy dog eyes, pushes his earlier quest, "Just come with us." Looking at the five of them strewn around the room with little regard for personal privacy I decide that if they don�t leave soon I�d be more likely to come on them than with them.
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