Thursday, Apr. 10, 2003 - 11:30 a.m.

9:12 a.m. I�m in one of those moods were I�m hungry for food I shouldn�t be hungry for at 9:12 a.m. For instance, nothing sounds better right now than a man-size helping of homemade mashed potatoes. Or even better would be a big bowl of fresh hot sticky sweet caramel corn.

9:35 a.m. In search of ordinary breakfast fare I decide to pop into Urth Caf� for a muffin or scone or something. Once inside the meandering, affectedly trendy, ostentatiously stylish clientele immediately puts me off. As I look around the room I begin to feel like I�ve stepped into a Cory Hart music video. Every wannabe and gunnabe in the place was wearing sunglasses. I pinched myself and remembered, "I�m in L.A." However, being that I do live in L.A. and not wanting to draw more then the appropriate amount of attention I unhesitatingly slip on my Persols.

9:47 a.m. I�ve now been in line 12 minutes. In line behind a group of shaded-eyed chichi followers drolly ordering the house "Leadership" blend medium roast soymilk infused latte. And it�s not that it takes a long time to make a house "Leadership" blend medium roast soymilk infused latte it�s that there is an itty-bitty teensy-weensy problem with each and every latte. Unemployed Vin Diesel-aspirant thought his was just a tad too "soyee." Low ride jean wearing salon colorist thought hers was not quite hot enough and asked if it could be made just a "squeeg" hotter. Shaved head exposed midriff Tower Records-employee hopeful thought hers was a little bitter and wanted a caramel mochaccino with non-fat milk instead. Prancing and "kept" gay boy wanted a second paper cup for insulation so that he wouldn�t burn his fingertips. All I wanted was to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead I left.

10:05 a.m. Arrived at the Bristol Farms grocery store.

10:06 a.m. Shaking my head in amazement even I can�t bring myself to spend $7 on a blueberry muffin.

10:07 a.m. Decide to purchase a 10-oz. bag of Hawaiian Gourmet Kettle Corn.

10:08 a.m. Yum.

10:25 a.m. Yum.

10:58 a.m. Yum.

11:15 a.m. Yum.

11:32 a.m. I feel sick.

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