Tuesday, Dec. 03, 2002 - 5:51 p.m.

10:50 a.m. Considering I�m well over an hour late for work I marvel at how relaxed I am this morning. I suddenly realize what�s different. This morning I�m angst free. Getting the shaft on Thanksgiving from the BF, and not in the good way, actually turned out to be the best shaft I�ve had in years. In other words, I spent way too much time over the last several months pondering, dwelling, ruminating, contemplating, second guessing, reflecting and speculating on every double or hidden meaning in every word or body movement from glance to stare from cock of the head to position of the foot. In short, I might have obsessed a wee bit. Nah. Anyway, knowing the end was near I thought I�d feel sad, possibly depressed, but the truth is I only feel relieved.

11:05 a.m. With a sense of rejuvenation and feeling young and beautiful I took the office stairs two at a time until I fell one-step shy of the landing. Starbucks grande decaf drip flew left, keys right, and face straight down. Ouch. Perhaps I should have settled for the renewed feeling of self and not have pushed the disillusionment of young and beautiful.

11:18 a.m. Still in hysterics I thought I�d have to groin kick Knoxville to shut him up. Truth is I�d like to kick him regardless and with that I�m beginning to feel like my old self again.

12:02 p.m. As I continue to reflect on the death of my recent relationship and subsequent feelings of contentment and relief of its demise I wonder whether "he" recognizes the significance of his good fortune. Lucky for him I�m not a disturbed or damaged loner and stalker with a mind unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy, love and dangerous obsession who had developed an all-consuming infatuation. Yes, lucky for him. Lucky for him.

2:49 p.m. I have decided that when I get home tonight I�m going to dispose of what I like to call "his hairbrush." A beautiful tortoiseshell hairbrush filled with wisps of his hair that I have picked off his coat and pillow for my collection. Yes, I will get rid of "his hairbrush" for I would hate for it to pose any menace, regardless of how casual. How fricking lucky he is. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

4:31 p.m. Oops, accidentally kicked Knoxville in the shin. Oops, drew blood. Yes, definitely back to my old self and...no more car shows.

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