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Beulah Bondi
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Tuesday, Nov. 12, 2002 - 5:42 p.m.
9:08 a.m. On the airplane, returning from San Francisco, the two guys behind me were debating the strengths and weaknesses of Quincy, Barnaby Jones, Jake and Fatman, Riptide, Ironside, Marcus Welby, M.D. etc. I was never more thankful that Frisco is only an hours flight from LAX and the two dweebs behind me were unknowing grateful that I wasn�t packing a gun.
9:40 a.m. Unable to hold it in a second longer I turned around and addressed the gentleman seated directly behind me. "First of all, Marcus Welby, M.D. didn�t solve crimes. Secondly, Ramond Burr was a fat man but not �the� fat man. Third, Rick Springfield was in �High Tide� not �Riptide.� Are you with me? Am I going too fast for ya? Four, your girlfriend here is right. Link was the black one Pete was the white one. Five, keep up ladies, Kate Jackson beats out Kate Mulgrew as queen of the crime solvers having starred in The Rookies, Charlie�s Angels, and Scarecrow & Mrs. King." The skinner one whines, "but�" I continue, "Hush hush sweet Charlotte. True Mulgrew was Mrs. Colombo but �Man of the People� was not a crime solving show. Stay with now cause I�m gonna pick up the pace. Six, seven & eight. Philip Michael Thomas was a regular on �Toma� long before �Miami Vice.� Dana Elcar was a regular on �Baretta� prior to �MacGyver� and Tom Selleck was a regular on the last season of �The Rockford Files� �79 to �80 which lead him to star in �Magnum� in the fall of 1980. Nine, don�t even get me started on �Hawk� vs. �Street Hawk� Ten, let me tell you what happens next. The two of you are going to sit there quietly until we land and I get the hell off this plane. Then and only then are you allowed to wipe the drool from your chins brush the pretzel crumbs from your laps and for Gods� sake do something about the dandruff. Are we clear? Good, have a nice day."
10:16 a.m. Realizing I might have been a bit harsh as I ready to disembark the plane I throw the less acned one a positive smile and my bottle of Tegrin Herbal Formula Medicated Shampoo.
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