Wednesday, Jun. 04, 2003 - 2:48 p.m.

Friday May 30th

1:35 p.m. I once again find myself trapped in a business class seat aboard an American Airline 767 bound for JFK. Sitting next to yet another women who bitterly wears her decision to have chosen career over family in the form of a over-stressed under-pampered nutrient-free body squeezed into designer sausage casing makes me wonder if I look that bald.

2:03 p.m. My row-mates gnarled facial expression and low murmured snarl keeps me well on my own side of the center console, however, as I witness the slow leak of coffee quietly escaping from her Styrofoam cup onto the crotch of her cr�me colored Channel suite pant I muster the courage to lean pleasantly toward her with a somewhat concerned yet friendly expression on my face and say, "Excuse me�" Before I have the opportunity to draw her attention to the rapidly increasing unsightly brown stain I�m cut off with, "I�m not into chatting." As I nurse my wound I can�t help but to wonder: what about the leak; what about the coffee; what about the stain? I decide to take the high road and reply, "Huh, good to know."

2:11 p.m. Having forgotten all about the ever spreading stain it was no wonder that when my row-mate screamed, "Christ" I actually looked around the cabin in search of the apparition until she followed up with, "My fucking coffee cup�s leaking." I, once again taking the high road replied, "Huh, good to know." Needless to say the flight attendant thought it best to offer me a seat on the other side of the aircraft which was an offer I gladly accepted.

Saturday � May 31st

11:30 a.m. On my way to purchase a new tie for Vangie�s wedding on Sunday I found myself strutting down Columbus Avenue softly singing, "Who�s walking down the streets of the city smiling at everybody he sees? Who�s walking down the streets of the city everyone knows its Garloo." Happy to be alive I realize that New York is a city full of people with more attitude than I could ever possibly assemble on the best of days and somehow feel vitalized until I answered my celly.

Vangie: Did you remember to bring your copy of what you�re reading at the wedding?

Garloo: The reading? I�m reading? I thought I wasn�t reading. I thought you said you were having it read in Greek. I thought I didn�t have to read. I thought that� So now I�m reading? You want me to read?

Vangie: Yes, is that okay?

Garloo: No, yeah, no it�s fine. I�ll read.

Vangie: Are you sure?

Garloo: No, yeah, no I�m fine. I�m fine. And no I didn�t bring the reading with me cause I thought I didn�t have to�bring it cause� I thought I wasn�t reading. I thought you were having it read in Greek. So, no I didn�t bring it with me I don�t have it.

Vangie: That�s okay I�ll give you a copy at the rehearsal.

Garloo: Great.

7:33 p.m. When I arrive at the wedding rehearsal I�m immediately met by the smiling faces of the bride and groom-to-be, Vangie and King. The very gregarious Greek Orthodox Father Tim quickly took me by the arm and talked me through my diligence instructing me as to where to sit when to approach the microphone and then gave me a five-minute dissertation on how sensitive the mike is and how to use it all the while peppering the lecture with such ego boosts as, "You�re going to be great" and "I�m sure you�ve had a lot of experience at this kind of stuff" and "Be extremely careful with the mike." When Father Tim asked, "Any questions?" In a performance anxiety panic all I could ask was "What if I faint?" Finally sensing my unease Father Tim comforts me with, "I�ll get you a podium." I appreciatively shook his hand and told him, "Thank you, thank you, thank you and I don�t want to use the mike."

11:55 p.m. Back in my hotel room unable to sleep unable to turn off my mind from visualizing every possible humiliating experience that could possibly occur tomorrow at the church I pray to God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, Mary and any saint that�ll listen and deliver to me a Zoloft or a Percocet or a Xanax or a Prozac or a Ritalin, a Klonopin, Vicodin, Ambien, Valium, Wellbutrin or even a Paxil, hell I�d even settle for a canine Clomicalm anything that might aid in my ability to overcome my extreme self-consciousness and irrational fear of reading aloud in front of an audience.

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