Monday, Nov. 18, 2002 - 1:10 p.m.

10:14 a.m. The workday started off more fantastic than I could have imagined with a phone call from The Boss saying he won�t be in until after lunch. The significance of this news was not lost on my assistant, Knoxville, as he did two backflips before breaking into a cabbage patch slash belly slash tap number or as I now call it, The Forbidden Dance.

10:35 a.m. As I cleaned out a long forgotten Filofax from 2000 the gods must have been smiling down on me because my good fortunes kept getting better and better. Found deep amongst credit card receipts, past due parking tickets and useless scraps of paper scrawled with once important telephone numbers laid a treasure trove of riches which included: two Barney�s Merchandise Credits in the amounts of $73.69 and $292.28, a See�s Candies one pound gift certificate, a Burke Williams gift certificate for one full session pure relaxation massage, 270 French Francs, a complimentary one-way first class upgrade certificate on Alaska Airlines, eleven Car Barn Airport Parking Bucks and twenty-seven dollars.

11:05 a.m. Being in such a good mood I wasn�t the slightest annoyed when my buddy Jr, after explaining what I do for a living, called me an "ass-kisser." I gladly corrected him to the fact I�m not an ass-kisser, far from it, I�m simply an "ego-stroker."

11:34 a.m. While trying to do some early and on-line Christmas shopping I found out that in the Philippines when you purchase Strawberry Shortcake sleepwear you get a free Strawberry Shortcake lighter. In Malaysia, they give away a five-inch switchblade knife with every purchase of Spiderman sheets. In Vietnam, Barbie comes with an insert directory of manicure schools. Here in the states the Powerpuff Girls Oral Hygiene Kit comes complete with dental-dam. Having a third cousin incarcerated in the Florida penitentiary system who�s extremely finicky and therefore difficult to shop for my cup runnith over with this last find. I only hope my good luck lasts until I can buy a Lotto ticket during lunch.

4:48 p.m. Still feeling guilty, embarrassed and bit hungover from Saturday I wrote the following e-mail of apology to my dear friend TC:

Dear TC,

Welcome back! As I'm sure Corky told you, he and I spent the better part of Saturday afternoon at Neiman's Bar on 4. I'm well aware that people say things while influenced by the affects of alcohol but when Corky called me a "copycating ass-kissing drink stealer" I was shocked and mortified. My pride refused to believe there was any foundation to his slurred accusations until he spewed further explanation. "TC drinks Malibu and Diet Coke now Garloo drinks Malibu and Diet Coke. TC drinks Gingerbread Lattes now Garloo drinks Gingerbread Lattes." As hard as I tried to drown the truth with my apple martini I couldn't. I am a copycating ass-kissing drink stealer. You can rest assured I will be spending many a Wednesday with my therapist discussing the childhood origin of my beverage-mimicking problem.

In the mean time, do we prefer white or red?

Best,

Garloo

�

previous - next