Tuesday, Oct. 22, 2002 - 12:07 p.m.

Last Evening � Monday, October 21st

7:00 p.m. Arrived on time at Marie�s on Wilshire Blvd. Or is it Calendar�s? I know it�s not Marie Calendars because they sell this one as the upscale version of Marie Calendars. Upscale because they encourage the wait staff to wash their hands every once and a while.

7:02 p.m. As I walked in the door my two hot hot hot friends, Ulani and Kandi met me for our 108th monthly dinner, all of which have taken place at this same restaurant.

7:22 p.m. It doesn�t take long for every male and a few he-she�s and she-he�s to walk past our booth to get a glimpse of Ulani�s curvaceous form leading up to the face of true exotic beauty and Kandi�s auburn infused tresses that seem to dance with an effortless seductiveness on her pleasingly exposed real and ample bosom. Kandi, so unaware that every eye is on her, unselfconsciously flips her sexy mane from shoulder to shoulder from breast to breast teasing and daring watchers to just try to control themselves while she alternates between licking and nibbling on her perfectly glossed lips.

7:35 p.m. I want to scream, "Hello, I�m here too. Hello, they�re just breasts." If Haley Joel Osborn were here he�d be able to see me.

8:05 p.m. Ulani, quite innocently, was sharing naked hot tubing experiences that led to a nasty urinary track infection. Having watched daytime television about a week ago I felt confident throwing around words like Monistat and cranberry juice. But I soon learned that having a penis meant I was way out of my league and unable to participate in conversations starting with, "One time�" or "I remember when�"

9:05 p.m. Finally, all that could be said about secretions, emissions and any and all other spurious outputs, infections and the female genitalia was said none too soon. Fortunately, all the "gina" talk didn�t distract from me getting my pie on.

9:28 p.m. Driving home I reflected back on the friendship these two hotties have given me, how much I appreciate and look forward to our monthly dinners, and the look on the busboys face as he cleared the table and listened to Ulani talk about peeing fire or the look in his transfixed eyes as Kandi�s lips lusciously issued words like yeast and secretion. It�s these good times with good pie and good friends I�ll always cherish.

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